On July 30th, I posted a blog entitled “There Really Is Life After The Down Low.” It was sort of a play on words but it was in direct relationship to the memoire I recently wrote called, “Life AFTER the Down Low.” Well…in my blog, I cited a recent occurrence with a men’s group that I spoke in front of where one man asked the question, “Were you mad at God and if so, how did that impact your relationship with him?” I thought it was a great question so I carefully constructed the answer.
“Yes,” I said. “Yes I was mad at God.” I then went on to say that I felt God had left me in this relationship without any forewarning, only for me to make the discovery all by myself.
Well…here’s the irony of God, if there be such a thing. God spoke. Just like Elijah’s experience on the mountain when the Lord told him to, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.” 1 Kings 19:11,12, so was mine and so is many of yours. We expect for this great and marvelous, thunderous answer to come rolling out of the illustrious white clouds, unwrapping itself onto our doorsteps in order for us to believe and know that it is He who spoke. In reality, God is in the small things…the dreams, the intuition, the uneasiness and the red flags. All of that is God. I mean think about it…would the devil, the adversary, the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy, warn you that something tumultuous is taking place in your life? No! His job is to make it happen so that it can destroy you, not give you a heads up. And often times, we choose not to embrace those as encounters with God because IF we do, it may just require us to do something that we won’t enjoy and or aren’t prepared to handle. So…the easiest thing for us to do is to get mad at God. Oh to be human – lol!
Listen…as clear as this day is, I am more certain now than ever before that God is completely aware of you, me, US and everything surrounding. He knows every hurt and pain that we have and will ever experience and I can almost guarantee that He has tried to bring you aide during those painful moments – He did for me. He showed me dreams and visions and made my heart heavy at times that couldn’t be explained. He caused me to wrestle within and raise an eyebrow from time to time. Again…it all boils down to a choice. I subconsciously – and I say that emphatically, I subconsciously chose to ignore the still small voice. As a result, there were many years of deception not dealt with.
My anger toward God (although understandable but truly unwarranted) gave me the opportunity to pull back and evaluate the One who would never do anything to me that would contradict who He is – love.