Men and women desire respect and love. However, if men had to choose between the two, they would have a difficult time because for them the two are interconnected. A man who feels respected feels loved. You can tell your husband all day long that you love him – and that’s a good thing. But he would probably rather know that you respect him. How do you show respect? There are some obvious ways – speaking lovingly to him – not talking down to him, refusing to call him out of his name, building him up in private and in public – not putting him down to others, allowing his decisions to stand instead of second-guessing him, trumpeting his successes instead of broadcasting his failures – these are but a few. Probably one of the most effective way to show respect for your husband is by having sex with him often and enthusiastically.
I have heard people say that men’s desire for sex is a result of the fall. That in their fallen state, they constantly think about sex, and need if often. I don’t think that is true. I believe that the destructive expression of that God-given desire is evidence of a fallen nature. And more importantly, I am convinced that a healthy married woman, who deliberately starves her husband for sex is likely operating in the realm of the demonic. Think about it, God invented both marriage and sex. It was he who brought Eve to Adam and gave them the command to be fruitful and multiply. The fact that the world has perverted sex by taking it outside the realm of marriage, does not change the fact that God made sex for marriage. If you are married, you should be having sex with your spouse. If you are not, there is a problem. Only one person is glorified by a sexless marriage – and it is not God.
Listen to Shaunti Feldhahn, author of “For Women Only: What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives of Men,” as she explains what she has learned in her own words.
Married sex is an effective balm for many ailments. A couple who has argued and made up can find additional comfort in make-up sex. When tragedy strikes, the grief-stricken can find solace in a lover’s embrace. Likewise, when money is funny and change is strange, the afflicted male bread-earner can find additional courage in knowing that his spouse still finds him desirable.
I know for many women in financial crisis, sex is the last thing on our minds. However, it would be wise to be aware that the opposite may be true for our husbands. One of the best ways a woman can boost her husband’s esteem is to communicate to him that she still finds him sexually desirable. A man with the worst job ever, or with no job at all can face a hostile office, or begin his job-search with renewed vigor if he feels assured that wifey thinks he’s hot and will be waiting to prove it when he gets home.
We women must understand that our sexuality is a gift for the husband God has given us. That many of us have abused and misused our gift outside of marriage is a sad fact, but not a permanent hindrance to a healthy married sex life. If you were sexually active outside of marriage, you were disobedient to God. If you are not sexually active enough in your marriage – guess what? You are still being disobedient. Before your disobedience becomes rebellion, take the time to confess your sin (yes, it is sin) to the Lord, and ask him to heal you in this area. Obviously if you have been abused or molested, then you should seek help anyway. But if you are not abused or have not suffered abuse, then it is time seek deliverance.
At a time when many people, particularly husbands who want to provide for their families, are feeling the bite of the current recession, anything free is a plus. But a gesture from your wife, that affirms you as a man, reminds you that you are loved and appreciated, that soothes and celebrates all at once – can’t be beat. And the last time I checked – it’s still free. So ladies, if you are reading this article, and you know that you have been out of order, confess and repent, then go minister to your husband as only his wife can.
I pray that God blesses your efforts!
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