I love men. I always have, but I have learned to love my relationship with God even more.From passing notes in 2nd grade, to wearing matching jeans with a boyfriend in 3rd grade, to lying to my Mother just to sneak over a boyfriend’s house: I have always liked guys. As a youngster, I recall playing ‘hide and seek’, ‘house’ or other little games that allowed inappropriate exposure for premature experimentation. This behavior was fueled by curiosity. Kids always want to do what they see the ‘grown-ups’ doing. Whether in person or on the television screen, as children growing up, we are like little sponges, absorbing appropriate as well as inappropriate information.
I recall the images from television, movies, music videos, and magazines influencing my negative behaviors even as a very young child. In retrospect, everybody was playing the ‘kissy-kissy, touchy-touchy game’ even as kids. Then when we graduated to middle school and high school, it became ‘spin the bottle’ or ‘truth or dare’. These games, by the way, were especially popular at church retreats and conferences. Scary! Thank God for the blood of Jesus, because if you were like me, you did some crazy, experimental stuff, even as a kid.
Again, I love men. There have been young men who liked me, as well as those who rejected me. I am an African-American woman, so I went through the ‘light-skin’ boy phase, the ‘dark-skin’ boy phase, the ‘preppy’ phase, the ‘athlete’ phase, the ‘rough-neck’ phase and the ‘multi-ethnic’ phase. All of these phases cycled through me, by the age of 19. There is a natural inclination for a girl to like a boy and for a boy to like a girl. Men like women and women like men. My focus is to help you develop the ability to manage these natural emotions, desires and thoughts through the assistance of the Holy Spirit and your relationship with Him. This can be easier said than done it seems, however, God has given me some practical ways in which we can stay on course with respect to ‘the opposite sex’ that we like so much. We will go over the details later on in another chapter. (Chapter 4: A Guide to Purity)
I am 29 years old, and I am a virgin (technically.) No offense intended, but I am not fat, ugly, or stupid. I write this, because one would only assume that I am still a virgin because I was never granted the golden opportunity to ‘get some’ when I was in high school, undergrad or medical school. Trust me. The opportunities have been there, in abundance, and some opportunities I have taken advantage of in the worst way. I would like to share a few stories with you throughout this book, so that you can understand more about my personal journey of sexual purity.
Unfortunately, my first real kiss occurred in my parents’ house. I successfully snuck this guy into the house while my parents were out of town and my sitter actually allowed it. (Bad sitter!) The first kiss experience was unforgettable! I had no idea what I was doing. For that reason alone, it was also very embarrassing! His tongue was in my mouth turning flips and tricks and I just sat there, clueless. It was pretty pathetic, but I was only 13 years old and I had no business kissing him in the first place. That was the first and the last time I kissed him! We often think of a kiss as something minor in comparison to sex. However kissing, rubbing, touching, humping and other things that bring about gratification prepare the body mentally and physically for the next step, which is sexual intercourse. God created this process. God created hormones and bodily secretions! This is all a part of God’s creative design of the human body and human sexuality.
One kiss today may not lead to sex today, true. But, it definitely plants seeds for a future harvest of that nature and, “God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows, that shall He also reap.” (Gal. 6:7) The Holy Spirit began to minister to me about a relationship I needed to sever while away in college. Although I was not technically having sexual intercourse with him, I had mastered the art of ‘feeling good’ without having sex. In other words, I would call it satisfaction without penetration. I could still walk away from his bedroom with my ‘virgin card’. Many Christians have adopted this self-destructive, hypocritical pattern. I was still out of the will of God, despite still being a ‘virgin’ by technical standards. I had twisted, distorted guidelines. As my Pastor told me, the law of diminishing returns says that “when something ceases to accomplish what you want it to accomplish, you search for more.” In other words, the kissing game grew old and boring for me with time, and a new desire to progress onward from kissing to touching, rubbing and intercourse, grew stronger. Without warning you may find yourself proceeding from one level to the next searching for more satisfaction and gratification. It is a very deceptive path into sin. I have been there!
Proverbs 14:16 states, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the ways of death and destruction.” This information may seem totally radical or maybe ridiculous, but in all honesty your understanding of this process and its design to lure you off track has the ability to protect you from straying from God’s best plan for your life. Proverbs 6:27-28 states, “Can a man take fire into his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared?” The average teenager or single person always says, “I can handle it.” That is exactly what I said. “I can handle a little kissing, or…I can handle a little rubbing, every now and then… no big deal.” However, to God, it is a big deal! Truly, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit if you are a born-again believer of the Lord Jesus Christ. 1Corinthians 6:17-20 states,
“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside of his body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
I went from ‘kissing to rubbing to humping’ to achieve some level of satisfaction in my ‘flesh’, without realizing that the ‘flesh’ is never satisfied.
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Let me be real. If you are saved and single, sexual intercourse, sexual acts, sexual perversion and ‘the like’, are dangerous grounds for you. The Father’s loving heart toward His children is to prevent STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, psychological/emotional damage, ungodly attachments, derailment of divine purpose and unnecessary ‘drama’ in your life. The enemy would love an open door of opportunity through your sexual experimentation, to steal, kill and destroy (John10: 10) any aspect of your life. He will destroy your dreams, goals for higher education, professional endeavors, and your virginity while infecting you with HIV, all in one blow. Did you know that repeated abortions make a woman more susceptible to miscarriages and failed pregnancies, later in life? Did you know that some STD’s can cause sterility and affect your ability to conceive children later in life? The devil would love to silence your testimony for Jesus Christ. Nobody listens to a hypocrite. Nobody listens to a freak. It is amazing to me that this society spends millions of dollars promoting sexual education, STD education, condom distribution, and contraceptives without truly highlighting the fact that you could solve this dilemma with abstinence. Everybody is not doing it! Holiness, the sexual revolution, is what I live by. God’s way is always best.
I am not telling you something that I am experimenting with. I am sharing something that I live on a daily basis. When I was eighteen years old, I heard a teaching on the ‘Priceless Woman.’ Proverbs 31:10 in the Amplified Bible states, A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman–who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.” I had no understanding of who I was in Christ. I thank God that as I heard His word, a desire to be this virtuous woman was ignited on the inside of me. I made a decision then, that I still live by now.
It has not been a perfect journey for me. I took a wrong turn my senior year of college, in a relationship, which led to several unwise choices, moments of regret and heartache for me (even as a so-called mature Christian). The dangerous part about this relationship was that due to my previous exposure to escalating levels of sexual sin, I had a predisposition to escalate to other levels of sexual sin, at a faster pace than before. For example, if it took me 6 months to advance from ‘kissing to playful touching’ the first time, this time it took only 1 week. I had been preconditioned for that particular sin. But by God’s grace, I got back on track, and continued my walk with Him. It has been seven years that I have truly been walking in sexual purity (no kissing, petting, humping, rubbing, touching…nothing.) Glory to God! This is not a message for perfect people. This is a message for those who desire truth and transformation!
This excerpt has been taken from The Best Sex of My Life: a guide to purity, by Dr. Lindsay Marsh. Dr. Marsh is an anesthesiologist, minister, author and President of Worth The Wait, LLC and Worth The Wait Revolution, Inc. This book is available for purchase at Dr. Lindsay’s company website: http://www.iamworththewait.com , http://www.trafford.com, or http://www.amazon.com