Having to reinvent myself at 40 is a trip. And maybe I shouldn’t call it a reinvention as much as it is an overhaul. Being recently divorced, single mom, building a career birthed out of a dream doesn’t feel very vaudeville. All of this takes extremely hard work, dedication, commitment and disciple – everything that I possess and more. I mean, the hours that I put into my businesses (writing & marketing) are uncanny.
I stay up late and wake up early. I am on the phone all day long setting appointments, being my own PR person and all the while I have to be a mommy. I have to take time out to entertain, teach, be a speech therapist, feed, bathe, run errands and all of the other “STUFF” that is required of me that I don’t get to decide whether or not they get done or not. I have no one to take my slack. I have to do it. It’s hard! And you know, for a split second today, just a fleeting second I thought… ‘Hmm…I have a degree in Social Work. Why don’t I just go and find a job and call it a day.’ Life would seem easier. I wouldn’t have to push so hard, blah – blah – blah. But the reality is, that is not who I am anymore. I don’t think it is who I ever was. It was what I did to earn a degree and get a good paying job, but I have always been a dreamer. I’ve written as long as I can remember, I’ve drawn the same length of time if not longer. I color with no lines. I have always been one to dare – even when others around me were too afraid to do the same. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I am opposed to using wisdom, but God has given me some serious vision that I have written the plans for and I can’t turn back now. I am in the middle of ACT I of the variety show and there is no turning back. And to top it all off, in the midst of all of this, I still have to find a way to have some sense of a life outside of the constant grind.
Please don’t take this entry as one of complaining because I absolutely love my life. I am healthy and I’m free. I’m just sharing how tough it is to have to make all of these extremely significant changes in the second half of my life. And the crazy part is; God knew that this was. There was an appointed time for all of this to manifest and I simply had to step into it. Phew! Big shoes to fill…but again, He knew. He also knew that I would be capable of handling it all.
I guess the gist of this message is; whatever is inside of you to do…do it NOW! Don’t wait until…whenever you think it is that you should do it. The one thing I will not leave this earth with in my heart is, I shoulda-coulda-woulda. Because everything that I believe He has set before my heart to do, I have laid my hands to get it done. Now whether or not they all manifest is beyond me, but I know that I will leave here knowing that I did my best to accomplish all that is within me.
I know you have some stuff locked inside of you too: finishing school, completing that manuscript, writing the business plan, sending out your resume, whatever…DO IT! What are you waiting for? Life is too short! What’s the point of storing up the ideas or goals and doing absolutely nothing with them? Let’s stop the cycle of late life overhauls and get things crackin’ right now. In that way, the legacy that you want to leave for your children’s children…you can nibble from it too.
What are you dragging your feet on?