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(BlackWomensHealth.com) “Healing Without Hate: How to Forgive to Live,” is a ten step process that will help you become free to let go of the past and live the life that is intended for you. It has always been my belief that everyone was placed on this earth for a purpose. It is important for one to find out what their meaning in life is, so they can develop their message and then ultimately carry out their mission (purpose). How can you grow as a person or a business if you don’t know what your purpose is?

My life has often resembled a gift wrapped package that looks very well put together on the outside, but my “inside” was shattered and broken due to the troubles in my childhood. However, my paternal grandmother taught me to love others unconditionally and I began to put into place and practice steps to help my life become victorious and not to remain a victim. I have used the following steps to increase both my business and professional life in overcoming issues of the past.

Step 1: Prayer. I pray for those who have hurt or abused me. I have also learned it is very difficult to hate someone that you are praying for.

Step 2: Counsel. I reached out and received help when I realized I needed it.

Step 3: Confront. At the proper time, I went to both of my parents individually and confronted them and how they had effected my life. We must learn to confront the people in our lives that have hurt us.

Step 4: Release. Once I confronted my past and my pain, I then had to learn to let it go.

Step 5: Forgive. Forgiving is a big step in the healing process. We must also face whether we have “pardoned” someone with complete forgiveness or “paroled” them, where the forgiveness has conditions.

Step 6: Attitude. You must have an attitude of gratitude for the good things in your life while you are going through the healing process. Do not concentrate on just the negative. It’s very difficult to be depressed when you are counting your blessings.

Step 7: Joy. It is a decision to have joy on the inside while you experience happiness on the outside (circumstances around you).

Step 8: Goals. You must write down what you want to accomplish. If you don’t it will just be a dream. No one plans to fail, they just fail to plan.

Step 9: Give. No matter where you are in life, there’s always someone that could use your help. Reach out and help someone with your time and or resources.

Step 10: Live Life Now. Don’t wait until tomorrow because tomorrow is not promised to you.

It is my firm belief that if we make up our minds that we are not going to let the past control our future, we can learn to break down the walls of hurt and pain that hinder us from forgiving others and living fulfilled lives personally and professionally. Holding on to pain and hatred causes anger and bitterness. Anger and bitterness cause stress and anxiety, these emotions can cause a variety of other health problems. I know that it is possible to embrace happiness, experience joy, and have success. The choice is truly up to you!

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