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During the 15 years we have been married, my husband, Mykel, and I have had the privilege of befriending many couples and counseling more than a few. One of the sorest topics we have ever explored is infidelity.

Unless you have suffered through the agony of sexual betrayal by your spouse, the pain is difficult to imagine. It seems the humiliation is made worse when the offending spouse has engaged not in a mere tryst, but has sustained a long-lasting, sexual and emotional relationship outside of the marriage.

Since Mykel and I have personally spoken to more men than women who have cheated in this manner, we have been able to gain some insight into the behavior successful mistresses engage in that wives typically do not. Please note: This list is not comprehensive, nor the result of any type of statistical study, only the result of a very informal survey of the few men we know who have been willing to share this information with Mykel, myself, or both. Please do not confuse my exploration of cheating with my approval. Extramarital affairs are the ultimate form of betrayal, which cause lasting damage to individuals, families, and communities. They weaken the fabric of our culture and empower the enemy to wreak havoc in our lives as well as in the lives of our spiritual and physical seed.

That said, there are some valuable lessons wives could learn from “The Other Woman” when it comes to taking care of our husbands.

  • Mistresses Initiate Sexual Contact

Yes, the man is the pursuer. When a wife pursues her husband sexually, however, it proves to him that she finds him attractive and desirable. It seems husbands enjoy being found attractive and desirable at least as much as their wives do.

  • Mistresses Are Nice

It sounds corny, but a little kindness goes a long way. Big and tough they may be, men appreciate kind words and consideration. The more brutalized a man is out in the world, the more necessary it is for him to be treated with dignity at home. Terms of endearment, such as “Honey” or “Sweetie,” a pleasant tone of voice, or basic manners – saying “Please” and “Thank you” affirm a person’s humanity.

  • Mistresses Show Interest In A Man’s Hobbies

Many extramarital affairs begin harmlessly enough over shared hobbies. While on his daily run, he bumps into her on the track. An avid reader, he joins a book club, where she happens to be a member.

If your husband enjoys football, try taking time to learn the game. If he fishes, subscribe to a fishing magazine and commit to reading an article or two a week. Investing in his hobbies can provide more common ground and an opportunity to grow closer.

  • Mistresses Seek Out A Man’s Opinion

Is there an area your husband knows a lot about? Solicit his opinion and listen to what he has to say. I have a friend who follows local politics very closely. His wife consistently asks him to explain his position on various issues. She is very smart and has her own opinions, yet makes a point to ask her husband anyway because she is genuinely interested in his perspective.

To learn more about what successful mistresses do, click here.

Follow Sheeri Mitchell on Twitter, catch up with her on Black Planet,  or visit her personal blog.

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