If I hear of one more married, Christian couple that is not having sex, I think I just might vomit.
In the 10 + years that my husband and I have counseled and/or mentored married couples, I have become astounded over the number of wives that do not have regular sex with their husbands. My heart breaks for their husbands. I have heard every excuse imaginable – whether it’s not having enough time, being worn down by housework (not to mention that he (meaning the husband) doesn’t help with the housework or the children), needing to unwind from a long workday herself, being unhappy with her body, being repulsed by his body, working through resentment against him for something he did this morning, last week, ten years ago…I have truly heard some doosies – and used many myself.
But an excuse is an excuse is an excuse no matter how cleverly or eloquently phrased it is. And apart from 6-weeks postpartum recovery, other physical conditions that prevent a couple from being able to have sex, and/or damage resulting from abuse, truthfully, there just isn’t any excuse that holds up for a wife not “giving it up” regularly.
I know that there are those of you who will take offense at my terminology, but I don’t care. A sexless marriage is a crisis that deserves frank discourse, not flowery euphemisms. Here’s the deal: Sexually active men need sex often…not once a month, not once a year, not only on holidays – but often. Websites, books, television shows overflow with information about the difference between the sexual needs of men and women. Some wives (and even a few husbands) are like sexual camels, able to go years without sexual intercourse. But most healthy husbands need sex just to function. I can’t imagine that there is an adult woman breathing who is not aware of this fact. But just in case there is, let me make it plain.
Married women, have sex with your husbands often, in as many places as good taste, morality and privacy will allow, and in as many positions as you can tolerate.
There it is. Now having put that in print here’s the deal. As a wife of 14 years with four children of my own and an active ministry and career, I do understand the many obstacles that work against your sexual activity in marriage. Over the next few weeks I will address a few of them and share what has worked for me. Trust me when I tell you that a healthy sex life amongst married folks brings God glory. He is invested in your success and fulfillment in the are of your sexuality. Let’s take the time to explore what the word teaches us wives about being enthusiastic about sex in our marriages. Let’s also examine the lies the world tells us, too. Let’s hold all that we learn up to the light and see what we must embrace and what we should throw out with the trash. In the meantime, if this is an area of struggle for you, please take it to God in prayer. Ask him to grow you in this area. Then let’s see what he will do for us. Feel free to forward this link to as many married people, male and female that you know. The more we talk about it, the more healing we will experience. God bless.
Other Articles From The “Sexless Marriage Series”: