As sex therapists, we often hear stories from husbands or wives who are suffering in a sexually deprived marriage.
It might be a rejected husband saying: “I’m a loving husband. I help with the kids; I do the dishes. I have a beautiful wife who has no interest in having sex with me. Nothing I do makes any difference.”
Or it could be the frustrated wife saying: “Everything I read talks about the husband who wants sex all the time and the wife who avoids it. Our situation is just the opposite. We’ve been married less than a year. We had sex a few times on our honeymoon and only a few times since then. I attend to my appearance; I haven’t gained weight; I wear sexy nighties and light candles in the bedroom; but nothing woos him.”
It might be the husband of the frustrated wife expressing his negative feelings:
“I’m not sure what has happened to me. I used to love sex but not anymore. If she doesn’t want it, I am relieved. I know it makes her feel that she is unattractive to me, but she is good-looking and a good wife. I love her deeply.”
Doing goods things doesn’t necessarily require spending a lot of money. Simple things, like picking up your dirty underwear, giving a free back rub, preparing dinner, writing an appreciative note, hand picking flowers or taking on a chore that your partner normally does, build intimacy and closeness in your marriage like nothing else.
Attraction often follows on the heels of serving each other like you did in the early years of your relationship. Often it’s the little things that count – not the big ones.