So…Rosie O’Donnell has a special on HBO called, A Family is a Family is a Family, “where kids offer touching, profound and often funny insights about what being a family means to them. Among those featured are: children with two fathers or two mothers…” – I’m going to pause here. Many times when I blog, I am sharing MY opinion about a matter and I am entitled to that. This is my opportunity to express how I feel and of course you have a right to do so as well in the comment section. At first I was going to refrain from what I thought and pose a bunch of questions, which I will still do – but I am also going to include some commentary from me. Now many of you know that I am a Christian, so before you start commenting that my views are narrow, you’re right. I do have narrow views on some things and I’m completely okay with that. With that disclaimer made, we can move on to the topic at hand.
I have to be honest, when I saw the trailer for “A Family is a Family is a Family”, I was watching television with my brother. I refrained from making a comment at that time, but something within me was grieved. I felt sad.
- I kept thinking that these children with two dads and two moms would never have the opportunity to decide whether or not they agree with homosexuality because it is the norm of their household.
- I was overwhelmed with the idea that many people take the position of, “Well, they needed a home and WE were willing to provide a loving place for them to be nurtured.” While it is true that there are tons of children in the foster care system that need forever homes, is it right for US to determine what is best for them? The reality is, they would be thrust into a family where same sex is the culture and they wouldn’t have much of a say about it because they really want not to be in foster care anymore. They’re desperate for a stable place and the couples are desperate for someone to call their child. Where is that healthy? I remember going to an “adoption picnic” when Noah was being prepared to come home. There were swarms of children (no exaggeration), some in sibling groups who knew exactly why we were all there. They knew that WE were there looking for children and they were on their best behavior hoping to be chosen. There were tons of books with photos of individual children and siblings, people sitting under trees watching their potential child at play and deciding whether or not it was going to be this one or that one. How sad is that? I didn’t want to be there. It felt like a meat market. And YES! Noah’s picture was plastered in those catalogs as well. It made me want to vomit watching people gawk over him. Once I met the Social Worker handling his case, I left. My point is, those children…many of them went home and didn’t get chosen – they couldn’t.
- I wondered how the two White men who adopted a Black daughter (see the photo) would be able to comfortably raise her. What would they tell her? How are they going help her during those transitional moments from girl, young adult to womanhood? Who combs her hair? Do they know to make sure she is lotioned properly? And don’t smug that comment. I met a Black man who was adopted by a White family and these are things they didn’t know to do for him. So…who’s going to do that for this ONLY Black girl child in the home of these gay White men?
- Who teaches these kids about societal sexual norms? Which parent (Dad #1 or Dad #2) makes a clear cut case for heterosexuality and procreation – that which they will never know in the structure of their current union?
See…these are the questions and more that I have for gay and lesbian couples who adopt. Yeah…they can read all they want about how to rear a child but at the end of the day, there is a moral breakdown that winds up suffocating this newly created family. My opinion is, if you want to live your life as a homosexual, go right ahead. That was YOUR choice. Give the kids their choice. It feels as if come hell or high water, the gay and lesbian community is going to MAKE us embrace their lifestyle as normal and I refuse. Not because I’m a hater of gay people – because I am NOT. But because it isn’t the standard by which I live or subscribe. Homosexuality is NOT the normative. We are trying to force laws in place to make an inclusive marriage covenant with those who choose to live in same sex unions. It’s completely against the grain. It doesn’t make me any better, it simply clarifies my earlier rant about having a narrow view. Your choices don’t have to become mine. But I think the saddest part is that I understand the need for the children in the system. They need homes and I desperately want them to have one. But I don’t want to see more damage be done to an already confused kid. Not fair. These children already have difficulties acclimating into society because of whatever issues their birth family held and to give them this to have to cipher through? Uh uh!
Written by Ingrid Michelle for Elev8.com