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You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back- Barbara De Angelis

I must admit I am a romantic at heart and at the same time a realist. So I truly believe in love. I also believe and have experienced that you can have the wish list of “my type” of guy, yet end up loving someone who is totally opposite of what you wanted or expected. Hence my cougar theory:

Cougar- a term used to describe a woman who dates a much younger man.

I honestly believe if you ask most women who are deemed cougars, 7 out of 10 would admit that they would prefer to date someone closer to their own age. However, quite a few so called “cougars” are happy that they ventured out past their comfort zone.

Personally, I have not been a fan of the “cougar” fad. I think the word cougar is what really turned me the wrong way. It is as if women are predators or something, if we choose to date a younger man. But men are considered studs and are celebrated if they date a younger woman. Outside of that, I really don’t have an opinion either way. Honestly, to each his own, do you as long as you are happy.

However in the past few months, I have really noticed that a lot of  younger men really have their act together. Some of the men that I have met in passing have been very grounded, focused, goal oriented visionaries, who are serious about the direction of their lives, as well as they desire a committed relationship, one that leads to marriage.

While dining with friends, I met such a man, who happened to be our waiter. After exchanging the initial pleasantries, we discovered that we all had common interest, which opened the door to further conversation. He shared stories with us about his dreams, aspirations and his girlfriend. When asked if she was the one, shaking his head emphatically, YES! He stated:

“Most definitely, we have been in this relationship for six years, I am not going to let anyone else get her. I am vested.”

Our conversation also revealed that his girlfriend is 6’2 and I would venture to say that our waiter was maybe 5’6. Initially the height difference would throw you, but after talking with him throughout the night, we could see how the height difference would not even be an issue. Our waiter was very confident, charming, full of personality and goal oriented. His attentiveness was bar none. Now I am sure that you would say of course, he was your waiter, that is what he is suppose to do.

Initially he wasn’t, due to a mix up we were seated in his section by mistake and once realized he assisted in moving us to our original table. His demeanor, caring attitude and personality, caused us to request his service. Throughout the night we laughed and joked as if we were old friends. His transparency and honesty was very refreshing. In the end he earned more than just a tip, he earned our respect and accolades.

This is not an isolated incident but this exchange coupled with many others this year, have made me really step back and gain a new perspective on the “cougar”  trend. Based on my most recent experiences, I can see why women have a very strong attraction to younger men.  I also have learned that to be a cougar, you have to get past the stares, the disapproving looks and the judgment of others, especially your peers. You have to live your life for you and do what is going to make you happy.

Evaluating the price of being a cougar as well as listening to our waiter, really cause me to check myself. I had to really ask myself:

What have I not done, based on the opinion of others that might have brought joy into my life?

Thinking back, the only people who are not happy with women who are “cougars” are those who are not “cougars”. In the case of our waiter, I can imagine looks of disbelief of people seeing this significantly “height challenged”  (according to the world standards) couple. But they are happy and that is all that matters.

I believe as human beings, we are so careful to consider others opinions that we stifle our own  happiness and existence. Well, don’t! Only you can determine what makes you happy. So allow yourself the pleasure and freedom of loving someone who might not be your “traditional type”. Love outside the box.  Be it that they are older or younger. Do you! At the end of the day, you are the only person that can make you happy.

Here is to liberation and freedom in every area of your life! Love you! Do you! Be you! Set your standard for your life! I hope my epiphany has helped you gain a new perspective be it in love or life. We only have one life to live so live it.

Much love,


Disclaimer: I love and respect ALL men. This article highlights younger men under the umbrella of the cougar phenomenon. However I believe that all men, no matter the age have wonderful characteristics that are worth celebrating. So I salute you all!

For more information:

Written by: Judi Mason for www.elev8.com

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Twitter: www.twitter.com/judimason

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