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What happens in a marriage or a relationship that leads people to act out in violence?  What is it about two adults who cannot seem to reason together without one or both reacting to a disagreement by hitting or striking the other?

Control – According to the dictionary:

1.  To exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.

2.  To hold in check:  curb.

3.  To eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of.

4.  To check or regulate.

This past week, R&B/Hip Hop singer, Mary J. Blige was accused of smacking and or punching her husband  Kendu Isaacs at her album release party “Stronger With Each Tear”.  See viedo:

Though from the video it’s very difficult to see anything definitive in the way of a hit or a punch, however it’s clear there was some sort of dust up.  The fact is Mary and her husband Kendu have both professed Christ as their Lord and Savior.  What happened?  I guess we can all ask the same question to Bishop Thomas Weeks and Juanita Bynum.  These are two people who are supposed to be pillars in the faith.  So what happened?

I’ll tell you what happened, someone wanted more control over the other person than they felt they had.  Violence between adults  is usually a result of someone not getting their way and deciding to have a grown up tantrum’.  Why is it so hard for two adults to disagree without being disagreeable?  Sometimes it has to do with good old fashioned jealousy in a relationship.  See #3 under the definition for the word control.  When someone feels threatened by the success of their life partner, they sometimes act out in this manner.  In other words, how dare you flourish and spread your wings and fly while I’m still trying to figure it all out?

I’m not sure what happened at the album release party between Mary J. Blige and her husband, Kendu Isaacs, but I do know from experience that intimidating words or threats and even physical violence is all about control – either a lack of or a need to dominate the other person – see # 1 under the definition for Control.

R&B singer, Chris Brown is fighting to rebuild his image and career after his very public split from singer, Rihanna.  Chris Brown has seemingly accepted responsibility for his role in why Rihanna’s face went from easy breezy Cover Girl to this:

If we are really loving each other the way that the word of God teaches us then why are we behaving like heathens and beating each other up?  I’ll tell you why!  Because I personally don’t believe most of us take the word of God as seriously as we claim.  We have become so conditioned to simply justify our behavior or to excuse the behavior of others who act in such a violent way.  I have read so many mean spirited charges at Rhianna because she was beat up by Chris Brown.  Most of the things I’ve read or heard have come from other women claiming Rihanna is just trying to pump her new CD and capitalize off of being beat up.  Really people?  Have you ever been hit by a man with an open hand or a closed fist?  Do you truly understand what that does to your mental and emotional stability?  I doubt it or you wouldn’t spout such foolishness.

Have you ever had your wife smack you and threaten to kill you because you had the nerve to disagree with her?  That does a number on the trust factor in a relationship.  Chile Please!  If we can all learn to first maintain our own self control we wouldn’t feel the need to try and control the actions or even thoughts of others.  Grow up people and understand that it’s okay if someone doesn’t see things your way all of the time.  Chile Please!

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