There seem to be all kinds of crazy relationship stories in the news lately. Everything from mistresses killing wives to whether Future is butt hurt over Ciara’s new relationship with the Seattle Seahawks star Russell Wilson. Given that Cici and Future’s relationship is months old, how much does she really need to tell him about her past relationships or anything else derogatory or extremely personal. If you’re Ciara, you have the advantage or disavantage that some of your personal business has already been made public. But what about for a regular woman in a new dating situation?
Mental health expert Dr. Sherry says that despite our current oversharing social media culture, you don’t have to share it all with a new partner.
“Share on a limited basis,” Dr Sherry says. “So many times we want to share our life story on a first or second date. Take your time. Get to know him and see how much he shares. And he how he handles over people’s business. If he’s telling you about his ex-girlfriend, ex-wife business uh-huh, back it up. Take your time and get to know the person and see what he shares with you. You want to share but you also want it to be a two-way thing. Does he tell you about his credit?”
There is a good rule of thumb to use when you’re considering what to share. Would you be OK with seeing it on a billboard, Dr. Sherry asks. If not, save that confidence for a later time when you know the relationship has some longevity.
“Then you don’t take a risk. If you share information, share what you don’t mind if the public knew. We want to be loved, you want to be accepted but it doesn’t always come by talking too much, too soon.”
Social media, with all of its daily disclosure and oversharing isn’t helping things. But as Dr. Sherry says, its up to you to determine what, how and when you want to share anything.
“You don’t want to be embarrassed. If you know you’ve done something that you know will get back to him, go ahead and share it but don’t share it until it’s necessary. We all have a history. But don’t just push it all out there. In this world, people will dig up dirt and put it out there. So you want to share before somebody comes back and shares it for you.”
And, Dr. Sherry says you don’t have to provide all the specifics of each past issue. You can always give an overview instead of a long explanation of past transgressions.
“You can always say, ‘I’ve been there before, what about you?’