Lesson #3- You Need To Go Away, So Someone Can Miss You
Christian struggles to change. His incessant worry, calling and chastising does not endear him to anyone. He begins to see that not every woman needs, or wants that attention. Often his inner demons show up on his inflection of Ana’s existence.
He lives in fear of losing someone.
His unannounced appearances to Ana would drive most women to punch him out and block his calls. Destiny’s Child’s ‘Bug A Boo’ comes to mind! Don’t know the song? Google it!
Silly as it may seem, but the heart does grow fonder when there is absence. Kate should’ve put this song on repeat every time Christian was around! When he does arrive he is often less than nice and downright bossy! “Stand here!” “Undress!”
None of that is attractive or endearing. Take note.
My brothers and sisters apply this next lesson and you may find some happiness.
Lesson # 4 Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself. Forgive and Grow
Christian doesn’t enjoy the dark part of himself and can’t get past it.
“Because I’m fifty shades of ***ed-up, Anastasia” Christian Grey
Guilt may be an unrelenting source of pain. You might believe that you should feel guilty and condemn yourself not once, but repeatedly. Guilt also may simmer in your unconscious. Either way, this kind of guilt is insidious and self-destructive and can sabotage your goals.Realize that you may forgive yourself and still believe you were at fault, just as you might forgive someone else even though you think the person was in the wrong. You can have regret for what you did yet accept that you’re human and made mistakes. Perhaps, you did your best, given your circumstances, awareness, maturity, and experience at the time.
This is a healthy, humble attitude. Christian has deep seated issues. He plays them out in intimacy.
The final lesson is one that we all forget from time to time.