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Reality television is the new hot thing to either watch,cast, compete  or create or star in.  You realize that when you enter into the realm of twenty-four hours camera recording “reality” floats away.  Preachers Of L.A., Mary Mary, Love In The City have redeeming qualities of love, struggle and triumph. Harder lessons are taught on the Iyanla and other “docufixers”. Love & Hip Hop and the Basketball Wives are simply   “misery”-fests.

Yesterday our sister site Hello Beautiful posted  the extended Love & Hip Hop Trailer.

Every generation goes through a trend of music, lifestyle, culture shifts or evolutions that inspires what to wear, how to act, and what to say. Since when is doing  “personal porn” appropriate entertainment? Under regular circumstances I would let this pass.  I would shrug it off, as  just one more ploy of “self promotion”.  This time, I will not.  I have made it no secret that I enjoy watching these shows? Why? It’s the same reason that you look at car accident on the side of the road. MORBID CURIOSITY!

Popular  music  on the radio and media circuits showcase derogatory lyrics about women with videos that typically show women half-naked with the intentions of obtaining more listeners and viewers. Unfortunately, sex sells in our society, and the media has uncovered this fixation. Hip-hop has convinced a large portion of society that this is how women should be treated,  measured and  engaged with. It is  time that women demand a higher standard personally.

In recent hours Mimi has taken to her social media account with a response: L&HHA’s Mimi Faust Addresses Those Who Don’t Approve Of Her Sex Tape On Instagram [POSTS]

That is why I take fingers to keyboard.

Dear Mimi,

Mimi you should know better.  Please save us the “you don’t pay my bills argument”. It appears from your quote in the trailer that you are concerned. You are concerned about what your daughter will think.  You cannot be concerned about your daughter when you place yourself in risky, chancy situations.

This mean’s in layman’s terms two things:

If you don’t want her to know about it, don’t do it.

You don’t want people to judge you, don’t give them the worst version of you.

When people watch television and see someone throw money in the air, with lots of cars and women, that image is stored in their minds as the definition of success. When young ladies aspire to be strippers and can be seen”twerking” at school dances we haven’t just jumped the shark we have fallen back into the plantation fields. When you allow your sexual exploits to be “entertainment” whether for personal pleasure or public consumption, you place yourself  on a stockade. You take away the intimate portion of  what is supposed to be a loving human act and make it merely physical, animalistic behavior.

Spiritually you are swimming in murky waters.

Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-28: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

What do you think pornography does? Why would you be  recording it at all? On a whole other level, let’s lay aside that you are not married to the man, in the very least it’s fornication. Fornication (sexual intercourse between two people not married to each other),is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality. It allows sexual pleasure to be morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes. This will encourage and allow your daughter to believe in the already broken stereotype of “hooking up” for a good time.

Stop settling for being one of the following stereotypes:

  • The Diva, the woman who owns her sexuality, pays her bills but makes you know she is  in control
  • The Gangster **tch, the woman that is down for whatever and can “go in” at will.
  • The Savior, the  woman that can make a man better
  • The Baby Mama, the woman that holds a child, reminds the father at will that she had his child and has a say in his current lifestyle

Be better than that. Save yourself the drama.  Save yourself the ridicule of being the reality star who was “victimized”  so that you can be the martyr later.  Move out of the victimized posture and identify  the critical inner voices that focus on injustices, and allows you to believe that you are “just getting mine”. Telling people “It’s not fair. This shouldn’t be happening to me. What did I ever do to deserve such treatment?” will not change anything.  Don’t fall into the role of revenge monster either! These destructive thoughts encourage passive aggressive  behaviors and helplessness while discouraging actions that could change an unhappy or untenable situation into a situation that is truly a learning curve. 

I hope your learning curve is not to film another sex scene and stay away from the buffoonery and to own your age and station in life.

 A Concerned Sister,


Please make sure to read other Open Letters that we have published:

An Open Letter To A “Basketball Wife” Who Has Not Changed!- Revisited

Brother To Brother-Lend Me Your Ear 

An Open Letter, From Father To Son As You Begin College

Open Letter Pleading With Shaunie O’Neal To End Basketball Wives!

Reality Couples Who Are Actually Married
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