This is the fifth article in a series about adultery
Yes, again it’s Friday. And, you know what? Friday could not have come soon enough. There were so many twists and turns and hurdles and obstacles in my pathway this week that I am so glad that Friday is here. As you know, Friday is my day. It’s that day when I can shed my thick skin off and expose myself to the ones I love. On Fridays, I can cry, scream, smile, laugh, and have a bunch of fun and know that the ones with me will not judge me. And, when I hurt them, they will forgive me before I can ask for forgiveness. That’s what I am talking about.
In my life, I need those types of people. The ones who love you just the way I am. The ones who don’t want to hurt me with their words. The ones who don’t want to hurt me with their looks. The ones who will just walk with me on this journey God has set before me. The ones who will pick me up and dust me off when I stumble and rejoice with me in my triumphs that is the people I want to surround me. Not everyone has these kinds of people even though God wants these kinds of people surrounding us.
It’s funny or maybe ironic is the word but God wants us to have all of these needs. Can you believe it? He wants me to have deep down, fill me up please needs. God wants me to need other people in my life. And, you know what? There are times I could do without other people. But, God knew that this journey would be tough sometimes. It would give pain and anguish sometimes. It would sting and hurt sometimes. Then, other times it would give overwhelming joy, peace, and happiness that should be shared. God knows that those good feelings are too big to be taken in alone. So, of course, God made us interdependent. And, that’s just it.
But, this interdependent thing gets us into so much trouble. Do you want to know why? Well, see, we don’t take the time to study each other and find out what makes us tick…different. As I tell my children, God loves variety and that’s why He made different flowers. All of the flowers don’t look or even smell alike. He wanted us to see the beauty in His creation and enjoy it. And the same is true in humans. We like different things…different things make us tick. We need to spend intimate time with each other to find out who we really are.
But, guess what? God in His infinite wisdom also made us very similar. For instance, even though those flowers smell and look different, they are still flowers. Of course, the same holds true for humans. We are different but essentially the same. God made every female to have XX chromosomes and every male to have XY. Women tend to grow breasts and men facial hair. Women have uteruses to bear children and men have sperm.
God also made some of our inner selves the same. Willard Harley in his book “His Needs, Her Needs” addresses this very fact. Mr. Harley states that women are stressed and vulnerable to an extramarital affair when one of these five needs is not met in marriage:
ü need for affection,
ü need for conversation,
ü need for honesty,
ü need for minimal financial well being,
ü need for family commitment
Now, do realize the women are not the only persons in a marriage that have core needs that need to be met. Mr. Harley also states that the five reasons that a husband would violate his marriage and seek fulfillment in an affair:
ü lack of sexual fulfillment,
ü lack of recreational companionship,
ü lack of an attractive spouse,
ü lack of domestic support,
ü lack of admiration
As mentioned before this is not all of the needs that women and men need but these are those core needs that must be met to help them stay committed to their marriage. And, if we took just a little time and studied our mate by asking how we can meet these different needs in them, then we could avoid the big discussions that are associated with infidelity. We would be able to circumvent all of the hurt and pain that happens when we don’t feel connected to our spouse. We could make our marriage even better, if we would just pay attention to the other person in our beds and find out what makes them tick.
The conversation about these five core needs should be on-going. It doesn’t stop because your spouse is an evolving creation of God. He made us gifts to be opened again and again. God knew we would get bored with the same ‘ole, same ‘ole, so He created us to continue learning, growing, and changing. Don’t be afraid to dust off your dating self and be adventurous and date your spouse. Find out who your mate is today. God placed them in your life to make it challenging, easier, encouraging, and loving. God knows what you need and gave it to you in your spouse.
So, go after your spouse. Chase them like you did before you were married. Enjoy, learn, and love them. Let them know you love and respect them for who they are today, faults and all. And, now it’s time for me to take my own advice. Just in case you don’t know what I am talking about – I love my husband and respect him for who he is today, was yesterday, and will be tomorrow. He is God’s gift to me and I will cherish it. So, off I go – maybe he read this and I don’t have to repeat my words but I will anyway – to cherish my husband. And, all I have to say to that is “THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY!”
Check out the other articles in the adultery series